It’s that time of year once again where we say Goodbye to the old year and welcome in the new. We do this bye imbibing our own weight in alcoholic beverages and eating the sort of party food that sells cheaply in the frozen section of Tesco.
So, that’s exactly what I’m off to do now. See you on the other side, if my eyes still work.
Happy New Year!
Comments Off
Filed under General Chunterings
I was playing Scrabble this evening (I know…) and I was about to claim 32 points for entering “Wank” on the board (double word AND a triple letter) but my combatant decided to look up the word in the Collins dictionary. Obviously such vocabulary is only to be used by plebs such as I, as the sodding thing wasn’t included within the pages of that dictionary.
Bugger me, no wank for me. I had to do with “wink” instead, and that’s not as funny. Or as satisfying.
Comments Off
Filed under General Chunterings
I’ve been digging crap out of my ears for years. I’m often found with a finger in there removing some flaky detritus from various crevices and I was starting to get a bit fed up with it. How can one pair of ears make so much wax?
Well, it turns out that it’s all my fault. I’ve discovered that it’s caused by the fact that I shower every day. You wouldn’t think that a decent level of personal hygiene would be a problem but as I wash my hair so much all the suds from my Head and Shoulders accumulate in the hard-to-reach places in my lugs and dry out, thus causing my constant head-gardening.
So, today’s shower advice is to rinse out your ears once you’ve finished soaping yourself up.
You’re welcome.
Comments Off
Filed under General Chunterings
I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at the pictures yesterday. Having seen, and enjoyed, previous three films I was really looking forward to seeing this. Sad I know for a bloke of 36 to look forward to seeing Harry Bloody Potter, but there you go.
It was brilliant. Easily as good, if not better, than The Prisoner of Azkaban (however you spell that) and with absolutely fantastic special effects. It’s very long but as they miss out about half the book they’ve kept all the exciting bits in and it’s a blast from start to finish. It’s very scary in parts too though not too scary for a big hairy fella like me. Oh no.
Flashdance on the other hand was a big pile of steaming poo. I caught this on DVD over Christmas and what a rubbish film that is. Apart from the lovely Jessica Beals and her pert buttocks there really is no reason to see this film at all. Buy the album if you insist on listening to the atrocious 80s soundtrack or watch some porn if you need to see women writhing about and getting sweaty. It’s SHIT.
That is all.
Comments Off
Filed under TV and Film
Well, one more sleep until Christmas. Tonight someone will come and fill your stockings and while I’m hoping that it’s Santa Claus carrying that out, maybe it’s your husband/boyfriend/son trying on your clothes while you’re asleep. Either way when you wake up in the morning there’s a good chance that there’ll be presents waiting for you, along with a hangover and a bacon sandwich.
That’s what I’m hoping for anyway.
I hope that both of my readers enjoy their Chrimble offerings and that everyone has a good time with their families and friends. Christmas is about getting loads of presents that you don’t need, drinking too much, stuffing your faces full of under/over-cooked food and arguing among yourselves and don’t let anyone tell you that there’s a religious alternative.
Have fun!
Comments Off
Filed under General Chunterings
The television is a powerful medium. Well, more of a medium than Derek Acorah can claim to be anyway. People are often persuaded to do things by what they see on the box, as demonstrated by one weak-willed woman from New Mexico. She’s taken out a court order on David Letterman claiming that he “sent her code words via television”.
Of course he did dear.
Colleen Nestler took out the order saying that Letterman forced her to go bankrupt and caused her mental cruelty and sleep deprivation for 11 years.
Mr Letterman, who records his show in New York, cannot go within three yards of Ms Nestler, of Santa Fe, New Mexico.
His solicitor said the claims were “absurd and frivolous”.
Naturally some lawyers are getting paid to deal with this, with begs the question: wtf?
Actually, I’ve been affected by similar messages from the television quite recently. Jennifer Garner has been pouting at me during episodes of Alias Season Three and I reckon she wants me to go round there and roger her senseless. Jennifer love, if you’re reading this I’ll be round your place after the New Year, I’m a bit busy until then. I’ll see you the weekend of 7th January – make sure that dickhead Affleck is out this time ok?
Filed under The Interweb
Well, the original script for changing the site header image wasn’t quite working out. Firefox seemed to always want to cache the first image and I’d need to force refresh the page to make the new image show. This is a bit strange because Nathan’s demo page clearly shows this working OK.
Either way a quick Google soon found an alternative (and much shorter) script which I’ve inserted and it works a treat without any tweaks. So thanks to Photo Matt for an excellent script!
The images there now are a mixed bag. There are some boobie images (different meanings of the word too), some images of me and then some pics I’ve taken with my camera of stuff that’s important to me or just crap in general. Let me know what you think.
*edit* Although having checked it for a little while now it’s started to cache it again. This is definately a “feature” of firefox to speed up web browsing as shown by a comment on Matt’s page:
Firefox has some unique web caching features that are designed to speed up the browsing process. With scripts like this, Firefox can appear to have its share of issues.
To quote an article released on the Scot Finnie Newsletter page – he addresses this issue as follows:
There’s only one about:config-based tweak that I’m currently recommending (although I expect to add others in the near future). This recommendation really only applies to people who have fast Internet connections or those who are Webmasters, news junkies, possibly online gaming, anything where it’s mandatory that clicking the Refresh button always shows you the very latest information on that Web page. If that describes the way you need or want to work, you can configure Firefox to work the same way Internet Explorer’s check for website updates on “Every visit to the page.”
To make this change, find this entry in about:config:
browser.cache.check_doc_frequency
The default setting is represented by the numeral 3, and corresponds to “when appropriate/automatically.” To change it, simply double-click the browser.cache.check_doc_frequency entry. A small dialog box will open. Type the numeral 1 to change it to “Each Time” and press OK. Here’s a description of the available options for this particular setting:
0 = Once per session
1 = Each time
2 = Never
3 = When appropriate/automatically
Never mind. I’ve done the about:config change and that works fine. IE users will see a new image every page while Firefox users will have to either force-refresh or configure their install of firefox to always call new imageslike I have.
Comments Off
Filed under Geekery
Thanks to a spot of googling I’ve managed to successfully install a script that should rotate the image at the top of the page with a series of images in a directory. At the moment I’m finding that Firefox is caching the old image, so you may or may not notice the image changing. Press “CTRL & F5″ together to reload the whole page and see what I’ve done.
The old image is there (the lovely Anna Kornikova) plus I’ve added a modified image of Kelly Brook’s magnificent chest. I’ll add more later once I’ve downloaded some pictures I’ve taken on my camera. These new images will not be boobie-related but of things that are related to me or people I know.
Thanks to Sonspring for the article and Automatic Labs for the script.
Filed under Geekery
I did my level best at the weekend to reduce the vermin prevelant in Australia. I went to the Walkabout in town and purloined one of their excellent Kangaroo burgers. It was a darker meat than I expected, a bit like beef I suppose and tasted very nice indeed for an overgrown rat.
Unfortunately it appears that the Aussies are a little more squeamish about eating these insane rodents. They see the Kangaroo as a kind of national treasure and prefer not to put them on their dinner plates, so an Australian food magazine has promoted a competition to find a new name for the meat. Some yank working in Sydney came up with the winning entry: Australus.
Personally I couldn’t care less if the bloody things were all slaughtered to be made into sausages. They’re pests, just like foxes and rabbits, and just because they’re cute (in some people’s eyes at least) that doesn’t make them any less edible or delicious with a side of chips.
Filed under General Chunterings, In the news
At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conference.
Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the Barman: “In ‘Strylya, we make the best bladdy beer in the world, so pour me a bladdy Fosters, mate.”
Bob, CEO of Budweiser, calls out next: “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all, gimme a Bud.”
Hans steps up next: “In Germany ve invented das beer, ferdamt. Give me ein Becks, ya ist der real King of beers, danke.”
Paddy, CEO of Guinness, steps forward: “Barman, would ya give me a diet coke with ice and lemon. Tanks.”
The others stare at him in stunned silence, amazement written all over their faces. Eventually Bruce asks: “Are you not going to have a
Guinness, Pat?”
Paddy replies: “Well, if you fookin’ pansies aren’t drinkin’, then neither am I!”
Via email
Comments Off
Filed under "Jokes"
