Monthly Archives: February 2006

Fill your boots with these atrocious one-liners as supplied by Matt:

Energizer Bunny arrested — charged with battery.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating — always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Sea captains don’t like crew cuts.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
A breakfast boiled egg is hard to beat.
A lot of money is tainted. It t’aint yours and t’aint mine.
His photographic memory was never developed.
When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Those who jump off Paris bridge are in Seine.
When she saw her first gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
The short prison escapee fortune teller was a medium at large.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
Dreaming in color is a pigment of your imagination.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu — the same mustard as before.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
A backwards poet writes inverse.
In democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
Definition of a Will: a dead giveaway.
Pay your exorcist, or you’ll get repossessed.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
You’re stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
He fell into an upholstery machine, but is fully recovered.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France = Linoleum Blownapart.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you a flat minor.