It’s been a while since I posted a joke, so here’s one from my work email:
A boy asked his mother the following question:
‘Mum, why are wedding dresses white?’
The mother looks at her son and replies: ‘Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.’
The son thanks his Mum and goes [...]
A young Geordie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.
The manager asked “Do you have any sales experience?”
The young man answered “Eye, hods, I was a canny salesman back in Newcastle.”
The manager liked the Geordie so he gave him the job. His first day on the job was challenging and [...]
Paddy and Mick, two Irishmen, went out one day and each bought a pig. When they got home, Paddy turned to Mick and said, “Mick, me ol’ mate, how we gonna tell who owns which fookin’ pig?”
Mick says “Well Paddy, I’ll cut one a ta’ ears off my pig, and ten we can tell [...]
More Unix-related shenanigans from Steve:
# csh
# %blow
%blow: No such job.
#
Shame that.
Stolen shamelessly from tMP
I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said,”Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. [...]
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“In honour of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” [...]
An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys.
“There’s just one problem” she says. “Because they were all born at the [...]
A man is working on the buses in the US collecting tickets.
He rings the bell for the driver to set off when there’s a woman half getting on the bus. The driver sets off, the woman falls from the bus and is killed. At the trial the man is sent down for murder and seeing [...]
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